The Next Big Issue: TRAUMA

After a school shooting, the next big issue is TRAUMA!

Trauma:  a deeply distressing or disturbing experience

We think Columbine was the first cultural benchmark of mass shootings.  It was not.  We have suffered as a culture too many times since Columbine, but read for yourselves how long this history goes back. Impact of Mass Shootings on Survivors, Families and Communities.

The more we look at history, the more we realize how information and wisdom rarely connect.  Wisdom in this sense is an accumulated body of information that is associated to a plan of action and growth.  What's the point of having a cultural awareness that takes us back to the McDonald’s Massacre. In July 1984, a man walked into a McDonald’s restaurant in San Ysidro, California, and began shooting employees and customers, killing 21 and injuring 15 others.   It ain't 1984 anymore!

This is where we have a great illusion in our country.  We think because our technology is so sophisticated we are more mature than we really are.  I would argue we are regressing in this sense!

Trauma is much like shame, it embeds itself deep within and manifests outwardly in ways that make it hard to discern.  Specific behaviors of trauma can be noticed and discussed, but most of the time the core issue is overlooked.  Usually this is because few have the ability to sit in a room with someone and go deep--and many times we should not explore this.  Humility is recognizing we are not doctors or mental health professionals and simply asking for help either for ourselves or someone else.

We get very uncomfortable dealing with heavy emotions, and if a person who cares begins to tap their trauma, then what?  One of the most scary moments we can experience with someone else is sensing they are going to lose control.  A person with trauma can feel like they are being rejected from someone that cares when in fact they are not aware of how their energy is making that friend uncomfortable.  This is why we need to be aware of trauma and find help with those specializing in this area of mental health.

I wrote an article on the breakdown in the mental health community.  People need to be aware that when they feel vulnerable, those they want and need to trust can let them down.  The "system" is far from healthy, but there still is excellent care available.  Again, this is why diagnosing a problem makes it much more effective in getting the needed help.

When we take our vehicle to the auto mechanic, we can wait and hope the service professional can do a variety of tests, trust their experience, and hone in on the problem.  When we pay the bill and drive off, we all want the confidence that the specific issue is fixed.  With mental health, it is much more complex.  The vehicle is our brain and emotions and body--we feel extremely vulnerable and carry a lot of shame entering the office of a professional.  The health care we have can determine how much help we can get and our support system can determine how long we can endure this process.  We need to have some understanding of this process, maintain proper expectations, and hopefully have a friend or family member that can support us with some knowledge.

What are the signs of someone experiencing trauma?
This is obviously not exhaustive, but a start to thinking about what to look for with anyone who has experienced trauma.  A side note here--we think trauma is a special condition for those who went to war and experienced a shooting.  This is very narrow!  One of the conversations needed is to open wide what trauma is and to not judge others when they share their experiences.  This is another topic, but important.  Keep in mind again, trauma embeds itself deeply like shame.  That means an event that happened 30 years ago can still live within.  Most likely, a person who suffered trauma long ago has found a way to manage the trauma.  Many times the solution for trauma is just that, to manage it, not to uproot it. 

In the wake of a school shooting, my concern is many are very sensitive to what is happening now.  What about six months from now or a year later?  This is where wisdom comes in.  To seek council from those who have gone through this experience.  To get support.  Support groups are very helpful when led correctly.  Be aware of the signs of trauma, and deal with them before one develops a management strategy and develops habits to cope with this inner dynamic.

The Signs of Trauma
There are immediate signs of trauma and more long-term signs.  The immediate signs are the obvious behavioral changes and need to be dealt with or they get suppressed and like I mentioned above--by managing them.  If someone stops eating regularly, they might change their eating habits to accommodate this change.  That is not dealing with the trauma, it is managing it!

* Stop eating regular meals

* Sleep disturbances and nightmares

* Sexual increases or decreases

* Outbursts of anger or crying (driving habits can reveal a lot of our inner state)

* Aggressive behavior or withdrawing (let's go out every night or stay in room and isolate)

* Obsessing (cannot let something go, cannot shut off, mind ruminations, mind racing)

* Perfectionism (it has to be done RIGHT, spending too much time on minor details)

* Hypervigilance (extremely sensitive to your surroundings, always on high alert)

* Exhaustion (because your inner life is on high, despite doing little physical activity you are always tired)

* Despair and Fatal Outlook (the end of every thought or conversation is negative and hopeless...in the end we are all going to die, therefore...)

* Addictions (drinking, drugs, sex, shopping, food, gambling, risk taking--any sudden increase of anything needed to cope)

* Depression (a mental and physical shut down, blankness inside, no desire, cannot shake it loose)

* PTSD Symptoms (flashbacks, triggers, mental images of something negative, associating a ball hitting a baseball bat as gun fire, hearing a violent TV show three rooms away and experiencing fear and tension, wanting to crawl into a safe place, needing to take hot showers because you're cold all the time, always seeking comfort, peace and calm)

*Paranoia (hyper-sensitive to what others are saying or their tone of voice, strong feeling of fear that people are plotting against you or gossiping, associating a news event as a world catastrophe)

* Fantasy (developing an inner thought world of detachment, creating relationships in your head and experiencing emotions from them, falling in love with the image of someone and interacting with that image in your mind, having a sexual or romantic relationship with a variety of people you know or come in contact with in your head, controlling life in your mind rather than experiencing it in real time)

What summarizes a lot of these specific signs?
Phobias and detachments.  Going inward to your head and creating a world that is exaggerated.  Reacting to events that are not associated with reality (PTSD).

A Delicate Balance
Keep in mind here that when you bring to attention these issues you see clearly in someone, most will react defensively and in denial.  They will minimize and reduce to protect themselves, to deal with the felt shame.  When we feel weak inside, we over-compensate externally.  That is shame in a nutshell.

When someone is experiencing trauma, they cannot not experience it, so you can set someone off to protect themselves unless you are gentle and compassionate.  Many of us wait until we get frustrated, and now when trying to help we make things worse off!  It is better to wait before you address signs of trauma.  This is the delicate balance.

Some wait so long they never make the effort to talk,  Others confront and push a friend or loved one away, then get frustrated afterwards and never try again.  Lastly, we can have the hurting trying to help those who also hurt.  This can be the blind leading the blind.  A person who feels weak inside needs strength, not another person also feeling weak.  We want to feel empowered, to get control.  This can occur to a family who is struggling because of a similar trauma event(s) that drive wedges and create more complexity together.  A mediator who is healthy is needed in this case!

We need to LISTEN to people who have gone through traumatic experience!

Solutions Before Seeking a Professional (see further reading below for many more solutions that can help).  These are suggestions only.
1. Tap resources.  
Do you know of a friend who has sought any type of mental health care?  Call them for support.  What was their process?  Who did they call?  What did they do? 

2. Support forums online. 
Seek a trauma forum.  Find one you like and register.  Become a member and search the threads.  Private Message (PM) someone and ask them questions.  Most will happily respond.  Ask about resources and solutions, books, websites, videos, meditations that have helped.  This can be a great resource for support.

3. Trauma support group.
Search online for a support group and make a call.  Go to this group at least three times before quitting.  Just go and listen.  Make contacts.  Tell your story.  Evaluate the leader--do they control the group, do they have clear guidelines?  Is there a safe circle with no judgement? 

4. Get informed.
See below for further resources.  If you try Youtube meditations and help, be wise.  Trust your gut,  Find someone you connect with. 

For those seeking more depth:

Part one of an excellent book;

Seeking a Mental Health Professional: Taking Care of Yourself!
1. If you have health insurance, start here. 
Call your provider and ask for mental heath.  Have paper and pen in hand and write the steps, even what numbers to press on your phone to get through the prompts quickly for the next call.  You might be asked to go online and search for your area.  Search reviews of a specific professional.  Ask how many sessions your plan covers. 

2. Search engine for trauma professionals, mental health professionals, psychologists, counselors, etc. 

Further reading;
Effects of Traumatic Stress after Mass Violence, Terror, or Disaster: (excellent resource for the physical, cognitive, emotional, and interpersonal effects of trauma)

Dealing with the Effects of Trauma – A Self Help Guide :(helpful lists and tips for taking action)

Emotional and Psychological Trauma: Causes and Effects, Symptoms and Treatment: (in-depth description of trauma and solutions)