Trump: There is No Halfway House

President Trump just gave an address on the shooter today and went off.  Agree or disagree with the President, he is correct about this point.  There is no halfway house anymore with someone who is on edge between the police and the act of aggression either toward self or others, sometimes both.  I agree!

Unless we are compassionate enough to understand the psychological state of someone in this position we simply do not want to get involved.  Remember the time when there was that ONE house on the block where kids felt safe?  The house where they could go?  We have lost that "house" in our culture.

Same in the adult world.  Outside of the Anonymous groups, where can someone get care?  Yet even in those groups, a person hopes there is enough leadership and stability of that group to take some action.  For the most part, you need some stability under you (housing) in order to survive.  If you do not have that, it is extremely difficult to get help.

Most people simply cannot relate to being homeless.  Staying at a friend's house sleeping on their couch only goes so far.  That assumes you have a friend to let you hang out for a while.

The psychological state of someone in this condition has some guidelines people do not want to face.

1. Never show vulnerability
You have to play the game.  People with stability demand truth.  They hate any one that lies.  Yet a person on the run has to lie to survive.  They can never be honest.  This is a double-standard.  It is like walking into a church where people demand you act like a Christian.  They are very insensitive to the fact that they have been in this community for years.  They have a place to sleep and eat at night.  They have affection and intimacy in their lives at some level.  They also demand others act like they do.  Yet they offer little real support to someone in survival mode.  Giving a person coffee and a donut helps for an hour.

2. Intimacy is like Poison
If you are alone, then being around people that have intimacy is like drinking poison.  This is where a disconnect is the greatest between people trying to help and someone alone inside.  The person opening up and showing care cannot understand why someone will reject them.  There are many analogies to communicate this.  Here is one and it is simple.

Imagine a boy in 4th grade with no father.  He is only 10 years old, but already knows of great loss.  He tries to pretend he is fine at school, and can survive until that one time of the year he hates, Father's Day.  What if at school, the teacher has a great idea, "Let's have fathers come into class for one day and play a game together after lunch!"  That teacher knows this boy's story, and asks a father to double-up, to be sensitive to that one boy and this father agrees.  The teacher feels good about this!  Because this boy is 10, he has to go with the flow.  He will never show his true feelings.

During the event he tries his best, but after feels devastated.  Why?  This is where people who "have" can be the most insensitive.  That boy is devastated because he got a taste of what he doesn't have.  He tapped desires and feelings he suppresses.  When they rise to the surface, his inner balance gets tweaked.  Then this boy has to go into pretend.  He cannot show his emotions unless he has some support system.  In this case, becoming hard is better than not guarding your heart.  The same is true for someone in survival mode.

3. You have to wear a mask
When you do not have stability, you must wear a survival mask.  This is seen as the person who is always happy and upbeat or very serious or a blend of both.  This is the person who around certain people, usually someone that offers strength puts on the show.  This is like a salesman being around someone who might buy something from them.  A light comes on, they are super friendly, they are working that person because they want something from them.  They want to close the deal.  As soon as that deal breaks down, they immediately reveal their true inner state.

If you ever watch an episode of Undercover Boss you will see this mask come off and true emotions unpack.  This is the episode where a worker is trying to accomplish something and the undercover boss sees a problem and can't take his cover anymore.  He reveals who he is and then goes outside to talk to someone.  At first that person tries to explain, then the true emotions come out.  She reveals the chaos, the imbalance, the games, the dishonesty, and breaks down.  Five minutes earlier she was smiling!  Yet beneath the surface was her true emotions masked to survive in this dysfunctional culture.  Many homes are like this.

The President spoke today of this gap or chasm between the police and mental health.  There might be some people that care, but usually they have no solution that will matter.  All they can do is offer a band-aid to a deep would which looks like a hot meal or sermon.  Then they wonder why that person left or didn't respond.  This is because people simply cannot deal with deep emotional wounds just like a school cannot deal with someone that was shot.  Medically, we call the hospital because that person needs specialized care or might die.  Emotionally, we have no hospital to call.  Unless a person says they are suicidal, we have little to offer.  Even in a emergency, suicide, we call the police and that person gets housed somewhere.  Once that door is opened, there is no turning back.  They are labeled for life as suicidal and many of these holding tanks feel like prison.  Unless you have deep pockets, the government offers little to really help.

This is the very fine line between freedom and loss of control. When tragedy occurs, the way people protect themselves after sounds the same in most cases, "Well, I tried!"  Then they will list what they did.  Usually, in some cases you will hear, "That person was so selfish!"  In the end, nothing changes, and those who have the blessing of stability grab a sandwich and something to drink, sit in front of the TV, and move on.